We all know death is an inevitable part of life. We also know that fear often comes from a lack of understanding and yet we avoid learning and talking about death for fear that it will sense an invitation and draw near. Not talking about death does not prevent it. It only prevents our wishes from being expressed and known. We all long for a good death but do little to define that for ourselves. What does it mean to you to have a good death? What are your hopes and fears? What trade-offs are you willing to make and not willing to make? What if contemplating your mortality led to a more fulfilling life?

Even as a young child, I was curious about the mysteries of life and death. When other people wanted to look away or change the subject, I wanted to look closer and ask more questions. I had the opportunity to care for both my grandmother and my father in the final weeks and days of their lives. They allowed me to walk with them right up to the edge where I witnessed vulnerability, suffering, courage, love and forgiveness. I was shown what dying with dignity means. Although it was truly a gift to be with them, I admit that I also felt ill-equipped and alone. As I shared my experience with others, I learned that it was not unique. So many of us are not at all knowledgeable about or prepared for the one certainty in life, death. On my search for better understanding, I continued to encounter the idea that how one lives greatly informs and influences one’s experience at the end of life. The more time I spend with people facing their own mortality, the more I witness the truth of this.